TV Verdict

With the murderous fictional African country coup leader Dubaku preparing to sabotage an Ohio chemical plant to fart a noxious cloud of pesticide in the air, the FBI is scrambling to patch the firewall breach (and by “scramble” I of course mean “pound away furiously at keyboards and say things like ‘Keep me in the loop!’ and ‘I have to open another socket!’”).

Spoilers below!

With Chemical Cloud Holocaust (CCH) looming, Jack, Tony, Bill and Renee infiltrate Dubaku’s office building and implement their siege strategy which is really just Tony and Jack shooting lots and lots of bullets into anonymous bad guys.

This couldn’t come at a better time, because a) I was getting bored and b) the alternatives to stopping the mass murders were going nowhere fast. In the chemical plant, we had Hapless Plant Foreman Number 1 manually release the pressure of the pesticide tanks and promptly get himself gassed to death (“I have breathing gear!” he said, apparently oblivious to the fact that the gas is a skin corrosive, which you think he would have known but hey someone has to get gassed!) and back at the FBI (now known as the Federal Bureau of Ineffectiveness) Janis (is it me or has Janeane Garofalo’s line reading gotten progressively worse each episode?) pulls up schematics and yells at that annoying guy whose name I can’t remember. Meanwhile, Larry does as little as you’d expect from an FBI Agent named Larry.

Over at the White House, President Taylor paces a lot and is bailed out from making a tough decision thanks to Jack’s incursion. The big news out of the Oval Office is that the “First Gentleman” (ech) has been captured once again by another evil Secret Service guy who looks like a castoff from a Pearl Jam cover band. And judging by the preview for next week’s episode, it seems this guy will be on the business end of a Jack Bauer Judo throw.

Overall, an installment with much-needed action (Jack’s body count isn’t going to build itself up!), the typical bureaucratic ineptitude and an exotic means to deliver death to a large amount of Midwesterners. So it was a regular episode of 24.

Memorable Bauer Maneuver
Gotta love Jack’s chutzpah, demanding Tony turn himself in once the world is saved. This from a guy who spent nearly a year in Africa avoiding due process. But that’s why he’s Jack Bauer and you’re a @#$%%$#$% joke.

Most Impressive Command of the DC Public Transit System by a Megalomaniacal Terrorist Leader
Dubatu!

Line of the Week
“Jack’s right.”

Tony Grimace of the Week
Giving his word that he’s going to turn himself in. Because the justice system has worked out so well for Jack.