TV Verdict

It’s been nearly a week since the big twist changed the ground rules of this season of 24 and the more I think about it…well, the more it unravels. I understand that moles and twists and what not are part of the 24 game and you should know what you’re getting into, but this particular counterpunch makes the least amount of sense than any “mole reveal” I can recall in the show, and that includes Aisha Tyler.

Spoilers if you’ve been living in a network of Pakistani caves the past week.

E’ Tu Tony? 24 Reasons Why Everyone’s Second-Favorite 24 Character is Apparently Evil Because Him Having Put This Intricate Plan in Place to Steal a Gas Tank Doesn’t Make Any @#$%$@$##% Sense

24. Tony’s actually under deep, deep, deep cover working for David Palmer who actually didn’t tie from his gunshot wound and his elite, covert squad of CTU extras.

23. Tony has Terri Bauer amnesia.

22. Tony took a huff of the bioweapon and it screwed up his brain and now he thinks he’s a terrorist.

21. Tony took a huff of the bioweapon and he got hooked. He needs that @#$% man!!!

20. Tony has serious issues with TARP and threatening to murder a city’s worth of people is the only way to get face time with the Secretary of the Treasury and present his idea for restructuring the banking industry and credit markets.

19. Tony was flummoxed by that DHS report so he’s going to show Napolitano the meaning of extremism.

18. Tony is actually Starkwood’s Development Director and his bottom line is looking shaky without a multi-billion dollar terror shakedown.

17. Tony’s not feeling very well. He thinks it was that chicken Florentine he had at the neighborhood bistro earlier in the night.

16. Tony realized that with the leather jacket and the facial hair he just looks evil, so might as well go with it.

15. Tony isn’t a fan of President Taylor He didn’t much care for her shallow campaign sloganeering. WHY, YES WE SHALL! What does that even mean?!

14. Tony hasn’t had a date in three years. That pent-up angst needs some kind of an outlet.

13. Tony really did die a couple seasons back. He was reanimated by Starkwood’s Experimental Tissue Regeneration and Survival Horror Console Game Research and Development team.

12. Tony will deliver humanity from its ceaseless warmongering and conflict by bringing the world together around a horrific catastrophe.

11. Tony just thinks Larry is an a-hole and saw an opportunity to make his move on Renee.

10. Tony is a robot from the future sent back in time to kill Janis. (If wishes were horses…)

9. Tony will bring about the apocalypse and the sky will turn as dark as sack-cloth and the virgins will weep and gnash their teeth and he will sit at the right hand of the Dark One and pain will eternally be his mistress.

8. Tony is participating in the world’s deadliest scavenger hunt.

7. Tony has been angling for the eBay motherlode sine hour one.

6. Tony is being blackmailed by the President’s daughter. His sex tape with her would make Dustin Diamond’s look like a health class documentary.

5. Tony does whatever Michelle tells him. That’s right–Michelle’s alive! And she’s working with Gael!!!

4. Tony is 1/19 Sangalan. He and Dubaku were in glee club together.

3. Tony is the seventh Cylon.

3. Tony has a terminal case of avian flu and if you’ve got to go, go with a bang, right?

1. Tony is a patriot!