TV Verdict

The following was taken from CTU Special Agent Owen’s personal journal, following the events of last hour:

Dear Journal:

How are you? I’m okay. A little nervous. Things are crazy around here. When my uncle got me this job last fall I tried to tell him that I had no practical experience as a field agent and that my previous job as a zookeeper’s assistant wasn’t nearly enough to earn me a second-in-command position behind Cole.

Speaking of Cole, where the heck is he? No one seems to know. And how about Dana? She’s gone, too. I’m tempted to say they broke out for a quickie or something, but why would they do that now of all times? Rumor around the water cooler is that Dana has been up to something shifty. Ralph, the gate guard, told me some scrub dudes pulled up in a trashy van to talk with her. I wonder if they’re bullying her? If so, Cole will no doubt shoot them with a shotgun and bury them in one of our famous New York City swamps. I just wonder how that will affect their relationship…

Enough about them. I have problems of my own. With Cole missing in action, I was tasked with helping to lead a rescue mission. President Hassan’s exceedingly-well-coiffured traitor brother had information about the nuclear fuel rods but he was under attack by some Kamistan rebels. This guy Jack Bauer was put in charge and he seems to know what he’s doing. I get the sense when he looks at me he’d rather have a cactus as his second-in-command, but whatever—I’ll show him.

Unfortunately, our guy was dead when we got on the scene. Jack had an idea to pretend he was dead and leak it to the news, who picked up the story in a matter minutes. That way we would be able to intercept any bad guy who came to the hospital to finish the job.

The plan worked, but wouldn’t you know, I was the one who found the guy. Man, I had chosen the back entrance precisely so I wouldn’t have to deal with this crap! And guess what—the guy had a bomb vest on! Needless to say, a tiny amount of urine escape into my standard-issue counter-terror britches, but I did was Mr. Bauer told me to do. I brought him to the hospital room. Luckily, just before he hit the trigger, Chloe used her CTU magic to disarm the bomb, something I didn’t think was possible, but we did get a generous portion of stimulus money last month, so I guess Mr. Hastings went to Radio Shack to upgrade out technology.

Journal, it was now my chance to be the hero. With the bomb defused, I attacked! And was promptly knocked unconscious. Man, I knew I shouldn’t have listened to the HR rep and taken the Introduction to Hand-to-Hand Combat training instead of the Blood-Borne Pathogens course.

That’s where we are now. This kid locked himself in some crazy pressure chamber and is threatening to kill himself. Jack is down there screaming at him, Cole and Dana are still gone and I have to go change my pants.

XOXOXO,
Owen