So says President Taylor last night at the culmination of Season 8 and the series of 24 as a whole. More fitting words I cannot conjure. For years, Jack Bauer has been the man who broke rules and pushed envelopes and punched old men in the heart to get answers and no matter his methods, there was always a running theme: he was right pretty much all of the time.

No matter who was pursing him, be it the Drazens, radical Muslims from a fake country, CTU or even his own family, chances were heavily in his favor that he was on the right side of the circumstances.

Which is why the home-stretch to Season 8 was interesting. Jack was a mad dog and while he did have a point about the fragility of a peace process built on lies, the guy was seriously flirting with kicking off a thermonuclear war to satiate his bloodlust.

So here we are at the end-game: Jack has been tearing through the Russian consulate and every government agency out there has been given orders to shoot him on sight. Having easily breached a CTU perimeter—surprise!—Jack sets up for the kill shot, a sniper round planted in the brainpan of the Russian president.

Enter Chloe, who shows up to try and talk some sense into Jack. He’s not interested and promptly puts her in the trademark Bauer Sleeper-hold and resumes his sniping position. He’s got Logan on the other end of the phone, forcing him to get the Russian pres to come to his room for target practice.

Chloe regains consciousness and makes one last-ditch attempt to reach Jack, telling him that Cole is set to charge the building with the entirety of the CTU cavalry. Just as he’s about to hit the trigger, Jack relents and tells Chloe he’ll do things her way. There’s a catch: Jack knows he’s a dead man so he makes Chloe shoot him. And she does, but with pinpoint accuracy, places a round in the most perfect place of the human body you can shoot someone, which causes next to no damage apparently. Because when Logan’s flunkie Pillar hits the scene looking for Jack’s recording of Logan’s phone conversations, Jack takes a monster bite out of the dude’s ear.

At the UN, President Taylor is set to sign the peace agreement, despite the fact that everyone knows that the Russians were behind the craziness of the nuke attack and just as she’s about to put pen to paper, she holds off, cancels it and spills the beans about the corruption of the process. She the hustles to cancel Logan’s kill order on Jack and sends Secret Service to retrieve Logan. Panicking, Logan goes with his instincts and kills Pillar and turns the gun on himself. He of course botches the suicide attempt somehow.

Chloe, Cole and Arlo are busy tracking Jack, who’s been kidnapped by some mysterious guys in a black van. They watch in horror as Jack is prepped for an execution. But just in time, Taylor gets on the phone, orders the assailant to stand down under threat of Hellfire missile attack (yes!) and tells Jack to flee the country before Russian, the US and NATO descend upon him. Jack offers a heartfelt goodbye to Chloe before scampering off (with gunshot and knife wounds, natch) and the drone goes dark.

And now Jack Bauer belongs to the ages. And to the forthcoming feature film.

Cutting right to it, I thought this was a well-done finale, for the simple reason it was genuinely exciting. Though this season was maddening in its lethargy and familiarity, the writers, possibly freed by the news that the series was over, really brought their A-game for the last run of shows. Jack unhinged was a masterful arc and I honestly didn’t know how it was going to end (save for the fact he was going to survive somehow for the movie). These last two hours gave us thrills, bad-ass Bauer moments, resolutions and a path to more Jack adventures. That’s a definite win.

Here’s a breakdown of what I did and didn’t like about the finale:

Liked

The unpredictability.
Never thought I’d say that in a 24 recap, but Rogue Jack was truly capable of anything. No way he would kill the Russian president, right? Right? And though Jack’s ultimate fate wasn’t in question the circumstances were up in the air. I was in suspense the whole time and the two hours flew by fast.

The ear bite.
Speaks for itself, right?

Chloe and Jack share a moment.
Now this was genuinely touching. Chloe was always a critical component of Jack’s life (even more so that Tony, a sad casualty of last year’s dopey denouement) and I appreciated the writers penciling in a sentimental goodbye.

Logan’s implosion.
He was one of the more interesting villains and his dispatch was a memorable—if weirdly ambiguous—one. Seriously, this guy is almost as resilient to death as Jack!

The bad guys are from Russia.
I still think it’s a puss-out for the writers to make up an Islamic republic instead of going with Iran (we’re all think it), but I’ll give them props for making the Russians the bad guys this season instead of a corporation. Sure they’re still a bunch of white guys, but at least they have a real flag at the Olympics.

Disliked

The peace process.
I never found this gimmick particularly engrossing because, well, the reason Jack spelled out in his monologue. Peace in name only, forged with idiots is a sham. Not sure how President Taylor didn’t figure this one out, and why she absolutely went nuts trying to uphold it. Assassinating Jack? Really?

Michael Madsen slinks away.
For a guy who played a decent role in the arc, Madsen’s character just sort of departed with a blip.

No shockers.
I suppose it’s unfair to compare this to Season One’s TV-defining ender, but there were no neck-snapping twists even close to it. Logan’s attempted suicide? Eh.

Overall I quite enjoyed the finale. At this stage of the series, if there’s any tension that the show can give me I would have been happy, but these two hours had me glued. Also, with the movie looming, it doesn’t feel like the absolute dead end, which, to be honest, had it been I may have been a tad more demanding.

Ker-chunk. Ker-chunk.

Of course I have to lead with Jack’s superhero attire. His abduction of Logan and the bullet fusillade he unleashed on NYC traffic was a thing of beauty. And thanks to his pinpoint accuracy, no Secret Service agents were harmed in the shootout!

With agents falling, Logan freaks out in his limo, pointing towards the Iron Man impersonator and screaming in his best little girl voice “That’s Jack Bauer!!! He’s coming !!!” Jack opens fire on the bulletproof windshield and drops a tear gas grenade in, forcing Logan out. As he whimpers and wets himself, Logan coughs up the intel to Jack about the Russian conspiracy. Jack administers the Buaer Sleeper Hold and heads off for some further retribution.

At CTU, Arlo and Chloe continue to probe the conspiracy, and Chloe is genuinely scared that Jack has gone completely out of his mind. The two track down Jack’s arms dealer and Chloe dispatches Cole to talk to him and perhaps pinpoint Jack’s location. Cole agrees, but lets Chloe know that Jack will get a bullet in his brainpan if the op goes sideways.

In the least interesting subplot, President Taylor has the FBI capture Hassan’s reporter girlfriend to get the video file revealing the Russian betrayal. The Pres is definitely out of her element here and looks about three degrees removed from a nervous breakdown.

Finally, we get back to the Russian HQ. Jack has just stormed the place, promptly blowing away two security guards (it’s okay, they’re Russian!) but not before taking a knife to the midsection. That would make two traumatic abdominal wounds within 24 hours by the way. As we all know, this means nothing to Jack who wipes out the entire office! We don’t see the violence go down, but in a genuinely chilling panning motion the aftermath is laid out. Dead, ventilated dudes litter the floor and their boss lies dead with a poker sticking out of his gut! Wow.

The episode closes with Logan warning the Russian president that Jack is on the loose and knows the details of the conspiracy. Little do these two know is that Jack bugged Logan’s shirt and, now flush with the total truth of who’s behind the nuke attack, Jack heads out to face his final two hours, bleeding internally and ill-tempered.

Again, great episode. Thrilling, action-drenched and brutal. Jack the-mad-dog-off-his-leash is a sight to behold. And I can honestly say I have NO CLUE how this thing is going to wrap up. When’s the last time anyone’s said that about a season of 24?

Supernatural
The big story this year was the Apocalypse. Like, the literal, Biblical Apocalypse, with Horsemen and archangels and demons and the ultimate big bad, Lucifer himself. The season ender found Sam Winchester employing his last-gasp plan to smite the Devil, allowing Lucifer to take over his body (as was prophesied) and square off with Michael the Archangel (currently inhabiting Adam, the resurrected bastard step-brother of Sam and Dean).

Dean, Castiel and Bobby intercept Sam/Satan and try to stop them and this leads to the following events: Castiel is detonated into a bloody mess, Bobby’s head is snapped and Dean is beaten senseless. And just as Sam/Satan is set to get his genocide on, a childhood memory puts Sam back at the helm, giving him enough time to use the Magic Plot Convention Rings and open up Satan’s holding cell. Using his last bit of effort, Sam grabs Adam/Michael and the two hop into the magic prison.

Castiel then returns, heals Dean, brings Bobby back to life, informs them that God resurrected him to go to Heaven to be the sheriff of the place (Supernatural’s Heaven by the way, looks like the lamest, most boring place ever). Dean then makes good on his promise to Sam, to go shack up with his girlfriend and create a normal life and not try to spring Sam from the Devil’s clink.

The last scene: Dean sitting at the dinner table and Sam (if it is indeed Sam) standing outside and looking in, as a street lamp shorts out.

Hmmmm. Cryptic! Showrunner Eric Kripke is stepping down as the head honcho this year, handing the reins to Sera Gamble and he was clear that this final represented the conclusion of a five year arc. While there was lots of stuff to like about the show, I left with mixed feelings. Kripke didn’t cop out with the end (though the final scene ensures that we’ll see the brothers together again), however it was the God thread I felt was wanting. God’s involvement and location was a major part of the storytelling, particularly with regards to Castiel’s arc and this wasn’t wrapped up satisfactorily. Yes, there was a hint that the Prophet Chuck might have been Him, but I hope not. It doesn’t make a ton of sense.

Smallville
Some consequential happenings for this entertaining and goofy cliffhanger finale:

A nifty opening vision.
Clark’s destiny is within reach. It’s so close that the producers gave us a firm date, when Lois is running around with Jimmy Olsen behind her, Perry White is the editor and Clark is finally doing the flights and tights thing. And Clark’s mom leaving his Superman threads for him tells me we’re on the doorstep of potentual fulfillment.

Lois getting with the program.
The world’s greatest investigative reporter was always shockingly oblivious to the blatant truth that Clark was the Blur and finally she caught on when Clark/Blur kissed her. Hopefully the writers won’t take her memory away or anything next season because the various ways they had Lois slip into unconsciousness right when Clark showed up in his hero outfit was growing tedious.

Zod slapped around.
The big Clark vs. Zod fight wasn’t too bad. A bit short, sure, but nowhere near as unsatisfying and brief as the Doomsday brawl last season. Zod was a solid heavy all season long, despite the inanity of his followers who change their allegiances as frequently as Carlos Boozer and the slow-mo, rain-soaked smackdown, culminating in the big Jesus metaphor and Too Be Continued title card, was well-executed.

Chloe lives.
I was certain she was going to buy the farm, but the actual fatality was Tess, who got burned by Zod’s heat vision and weirdly sat in a hospital bed without any bandages on her ruined face.

Granny, Oliver’s attackers and next season’s villain.
Speaking of Tess, who was that old lady knitting outside of her hospital room? The forums–and Wikipedia–seem to be unanimous in the theory that was Granny Goodness who is a harbinger of Darkseid. And Oliver was attacked by more Darkseid harbingers. So it looks like that’s who Clark will squaring off with in Season 10. Providing he survives his plunge off the top of the Daily Planet.

Yes, 24 may be wrapping up its last day, and for the most part, this season has been less than transfixing, but thankfully, the writers have decided to unleash Bauer for his swan song, and the result has been an over-the-top spectacle of badassery.

While he’s tearing through everything that breathes, President Logan and his Russian pal have been devising ways to neutralize him. Using his aide-now-CTU-director as his eyes on the ground, Logan has obviously gone off the deep end, moving from Operation Reputation Salvage into Operation Murder!

When they try to trap Jack in the mall, everyone is caught with their terrorist pants down as Jack and his BFF (Michael Madsen) get the drop, kill a bunch of Russian would-be executioners and make off with the sniper who wasted Renee.

Back at CTU, Arlo and Chloe set up a rogues intel caucus, pushing back against the Loganized management and digging to get to the truth of the cover-up. Cole is sitting in lockdown and he’s oh so confused, though he’s not too high on Jack’s execution of Dana. As wish-washy as he is, I think I’m more with his take on matters than anyone else in that everyone seems to be way off base here.

Which brings us to the shocking centerpiece of the episode: the interrogation scene. This was seriously one of the most brutal sequence sin 24 history as Jack just unloaded on the guy. And the impromptu disembowelment at the end? Hooray for disembowelment!

So, all in all, highly entertaining episode. Granted nothing much makes sense and I’m still not entirely sure why Logan’s gone completely psycho, but who cares: Jack is about the most pissed off I’ve ever seen him. And that can only mean good things for us!

This was brought into stark view this episode, when he infiltrated the White House-sanctioned Security Firm’s torture hideout and murdered a whole bunch of dudes. Anyone else feel like this kind of crossed the line? Sure DB Sweeney’s mustached henchman may not have been a peach what with his water-boarding (though I have a hard time summoning up a shred of sympathy for Dana Walsh, both for the fact her storyline sucked and she was complicit in the attempted irradiation of the New York metropolitan area), but those other guys may have just been hard up for work. The economy’s rough, you know.

Still, Jack ventilates them, takes Dana, forces her to give up the location of the evidence, they head to a bank for a safety deposit box, Dana tries to get into Cole’s head, the bank trip was a scam, Dana escapes, shoots some bystanders and Jack finally corners her in an abandoned building and quite coldly, shoots the crap out of her.

See, he’s bonkers!

Back at the UN, Logan is still scheming, working with the Russians to silence Bauer for reasons I’m not completely clear on and President Taylor has morphed from a rigidly principled decision-maker into a sea sponge.

Taylor dispatches Logan’s aide to CTU to run the Jack Bauer recovery operation (?!) Chloe isn’t terribly pleased about her power being usurped. I expect an alignment once more between her and Jack as they fight back against Logan’s encroaching influence.

So big stuff going on this episode and the ending was genuinely chilling. I like Jack’s full-fledged anti-hero status, too. He’s gone dark side and it appears like it’s for realsies this time.

RIP Dana Walsh. Your moronic narrative will be missed, mainly because it was so easy to ridicule.

Despite pleas from Ethan, the Pres opts to go with Logan’s plan, which involves the employment of a private security firm to scoop her up and take her to a room ripped straight from a Hostel movie and torture the evidence out of her.

Jack, on the other hand, wants Dana for his purposes, so he can, well, torture the evidence out of her and reveal the players behind the attempted nuclear attack. Chloe strings him along and leads him into a set-up, where Cole and some CTU buffoons are waiting to take him down using non-violent means, which include live ammunition and automatic weapons of course.

Unsurprisingly, Jack catches on and foils their capture attempt. He then recruits Cole to join him on his fact-finding mission. Cole is reluctant at first, but Jack reminds him about his idiotic actions earlier in the day, so the guy enlists.

And so the stage is somewhat set for a two-on-everyone rescue/torture mission. The big problem with all this is the peace accord. We’re told over and over how this will bring peace to the region, but come on: despite what the script says and how detached 24 is from reality, the idealistic achievements of this treaty are way too hard to swallow even for a fake spy show. So no matter how much Taylor crows about how pivotal the treaty is, I’m not feeling it as a the fulcrum on which all these tough choices hinge. And the greater the lengths Taylor goes to preserve it (the security firm thing doesn’t make much sense, though I will confess, despite the show’s efforts, I have no sympathy for Dana Walsh—waterboard ahead chaps!), the flimsier the plot device feels.

Anywho, it’s the Cole and Jack show now and I really hope some scumbag Russians reappear soon. Not sure how I’d feel if CTU agents or private security guys were the only bullet magnets.

When I first saw the promos for this, I was intrigued, less about the historical retelling of the Spartacus (and his eventual running point on a massive slave rebellion) and more because it looked a lot like 300 and 300 was awesome.

And that first season looked a lot like 300, to the point where I nearly checked out, unwilling to endure what looked to be a show that was even too derivative for me.

But I hung with it and I’m glad I did, because as creator Steven DeKnight and his corral of writers got their footing and settled into the characters and story, Spartacus blasted off and for 13 episodes delivered some hearty thrills.

Here is why I think Spartacus is one of the bigger, more bad-ass surprises to come along in series form in a long, long time–in handy list form!

The slaughter.
Spartacus is bloody. Real bloody. Like one of the bloodiest pieces of entertainment I’ve seen, big or small screen. The gladiator combat is well-choreographed and blends slow-motion with utter barbarism. And when the killing blows are landed, watch out: the effects crew churns out cascades of blood and sinew. The stylized filming offsets the disturbance factor some, but really, there’s not much you can do to temper a man’s face being sliced off or a crucifixion/castration combo. If you can stomach it, the thrills in Spartacus are top shelf.

Something huge happens every episode.
No filler here. Each show contains a massive plot development, which would consistently alter the characters in big ways. Groundwork was laid for future conflicts sure, but the series sports a great balance of prepping the season-long arc for its conclusion, while also giving the audience game-changers on a regular basis. Fridays could not come soon enough.

Andy Whitfield is terrific.
As the title role, Whitfield does everything he needs to craft a great protagonist; he’s a bruising physical presence and can emote when called upon. Spartacus goes through a lot this season, and these experiences shape him into the historical figure he becomes, a character we glimpse at the tail end of the finale. Unfortunately, Whitfield is currently battling Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, putting Season 2 no indefinite hold. Get better, dude. You’re a future star.

About that finale.
Spartacus ended with one of the craziest, bloodiest, most consequential finales I’ve ever seen. That is not hyperbole. The title of the episode was “Kill Them All” and the show lived up to it!

Anyway, great show, endlessly entertaining and genuinely engrossing. If you missed it, you can catch up with Netflix or indulge in what no doubt will be a fantastic home video release. It is not for younger viewers, obviously, and the sex and nudity can be far too gratuitous (despite goofy disclaimer at the beginning of each episode stating that this was how Rome was and the show’s just trying to be historically honest), but if you’re up for a wild and woolly time, Spartacus is the bee’s knees.

The episode picks up with Jack stewing in the hospital room, lamenting the cooling corpse of Renee Walker, who was ventilated by a Russian sniper post-coitus. Jack gets a call from newly-minted CTU head Chloe, and he asks one question: who did this?

The answer: the Russians, baby! Chloe tells Jack that the Russian gangster family head he had helped neutralize in the early hours is having his day in court. Jack makes record time to the court room and uses his patented, soft-spoken interrogation methods (he threatens to kill the guy’s entire family, natch) to tease out the fact that Dana Walsh knows the truth behind the conspiracy. Jack heads to CTU to crack open some vintage Bauer slapping.

Meanwhile, Logan, looking to mend his reputation learns of Jack’s discovery, bolts to President Taylor’s office to tell her the skinny, that Moscow is behind the events of the day. Russia is looking to screw over the U.S. and get cozy with the IRK and if that means nuking half of Manhattan, so be it. Logan pleads with her to keep the truth hidden so she can get her peace treaty signed, much to the objections of Ethan. Taylor agrees with Logan, though, and travels to CTU (again, in record time), to order Jack to stand down. If word got out about the Russians’ machinations, she argues, the peace process would implode.

Jack is even unhappier and during his escort to an Air Force base where he’ll be locked down (that’s so cute that the President thinks Jack can be contained in an Air Force base), he bolts, commandeers a helicopter and flies into the guts of Manhattan to presumably murder every Russian he comes across.

While there wasn’t any gun action, I enjoyed this episode. It’s a set-up show, laying the groundwork for the homestretch and—hopefully—Jack’s one-man revenge crusade. Speaking of, while the Jack’s-gone-rogue plot has been used before, I don’t mind it this time. President Taylor (and Logan!) has a good point and it’s hard to argue against her and the STOP JACK! orders are coming down from the very top. Jack is unnaturally not seeing the greater goo d, operating on straight emotion and I can dig it.

Jack Bauer is coming. And Hell’s coming with him.

But it was this show that really pissed me off.

Anywho, before we get to that, here’s a recap: the IRK terrorists have broken away from the unending Shootout at the OK Corral in their inflatable boat of death, and prep their dirty bomb to detonation. Their demands to the President (who still exists, by the way): turn over President Hassan or the NYC metropolitan area gets a lethal dose of radiation.

President Taylor is not feeling this and gives her America Doesn’t Give in to Terrorists stump speech, which is a perfectly fine stand, though as Season 3 showed, it can largely be ignored if it means Jack gets to shoot his boss in the head.

This “idealism” irritates a douchebag general who conspires with the President’s Chief of Staff to send in a shadowy commando unit to steal Hassan from Jack’s escort detail. Using his acute threat-sense, Jack orders his group to head back to the UN. But it’s too late. The attackers open fire and for the second time in as many episodes we’ve got another huge shootout. But this time—and here’s where I checked out—it’s American military professionals killing fellow American military professionals.

Please. For one thing, storywise, this crazy action didn’t feel earned. The demands from the IRK just came down the pipe 40 minutes ago, this is the first we’re meeting General A-hole and Chief of Staff boy has been MIA for a while. Worse, was the apparent eagerness of this military detachment to blow holes in their countrymen. Fine, no one wants to see NYC nuked (although if this is the last season, who cares what happens?!), but this murder squad didn’t have any qualms over blasting fellow Americans? I know this is 24, and stuff ceased making sense at about the time the White House was invaded by amphibious soldiers from a fictitious African country last year, but what’s the point of portraying American military guys as psycho, one-dimensional murderers of whose death we should cheer? Maybe I’m over thinking this. Probably my anti-Avatar bias creeping in again.

Regardless, Jack and Renee fend off the attacks , and this doesn’t sit well with the IRK, who set their bomb with a 15-minute countdown. Meanwhile, Dana is still doing her mole thing (presumably until the smell of a dead parole officer hits the CTU ventilation system), Hastings gives a pep talk and Jack has a deflated lung.

One bright spot, revealed in the episode previews: the return of Charles Logan!

To help CTU get back on their feet, Jack calls in a favor to an NSA buddy of his, who promptly sends over a giant douchebag to help with the repairs. Chloe, irked by the goon’s egomania and resistance to her superior ideas to get systems online faster, opts to pull a gun on the guy. She forces out the NSA suits and gets all up into the trunkline. She of course succeeds and restores power, much to the chagrin of the NSA blowhard and NYC residents hoping to witness the peculiar sight of unmanned drones falling from the sky and landing on Dumpsters and homeless people.

Back at the shootout, Jack and the boys are desperately trying to get to a call box to summon help because the terrorists jammed their communications like Luke and Leia did in the speeder bike chase in Return of the Jedi. To survive the crossifre, Jack devises a plan to grab armor from the car and advance amidst the fusillade. It’s a fine idea, but ultimately fails because an undisciplined, dumbass CTU agent breaks the formation to run for the call box, gets shot, which then compels Owen to go rescue him and he too gets shot. Just when it looks like everyone’s getting shot, Renee shows up in record time and kills the rest of the bad guys.

With CTU functioning again, no one seems to notice the enterprising parole officer has gone missing. Why? Because Dana killed him! And she reveals herself to be–are oyou ready for this–a mole in CTU!!!

And thus, an episode that was fairly exicting and bullet-ridden completely craters at the end and an already lousy subplot becomes lousier and ceases to make sense. Why in the world did Dana risk her cover to help Kevin? Why not just ice those guys in her apartment? Or get her terrorist pals to intercept them in the swamp and take care of it? Sure seems like the writers came up with this twist at the least minute. But that’s just me being cynical, right?

It all starts with Dana Walsh, who continues to amaze with her complete lack of self-awareness. She is a data analyst right? She is at the top of her field, correct? You get high-ranking counter-terror jobs because you know what you’re doing, right? Then how is it she fails to see the long-term weakness in her plans to manipulate security cameras and what not? The dopey parole officer knows that the feeds all lead back to CTU. How come Dana doesn’t? So now, while a crisis unfolds and the high-tech drones again get outsmarted by a freeway underpass, she’s at her work station distracted and useless.

On the street, Jack and Cole zip around deserted NYC streets, chasing down the renegade chief of security and President Hassan’s daughter. Of course, the bad guy manages to slip through that airtight perimeter–and the girl, might I add, is quite obliging in her hostaginess, helpfully waiting around and not trying to get away or anything while the psycho screws around with walkie-talkies.

And just when Jack thinks he has them, they drive under a bridge and go dark because there are no traffic cameras in tunnels excpet for the traffic camera in the tunnel we see at the end of the episode.

Speaking of which, let’s just skip ahead and not bother with the File 33 stuff, the shocking disappearance of President Taylor and the tortured love life of Cole and Dana. Too late, Jack realizes that the bad guys have allowed the presidential princess to escape so they could detonate an EMP and take out CTU. And that happens, despite the slow-wittedness of a CTU bellhop who coulkdn’t find the Reverse gear fast enough.

The biggest twist? I actually like this plot point. Having CTU’s computers knocked out of commission is good for a number of reasons: 1) no more dumbass drones, 2) Arlo’s screen time should be greatly diminished, 3) the horrible “Let’s-defuse-the-bomb-with-our-Blackberry” plot device can be shelved and, best of all, 4) Jack can pound the pavement and punch dudes in the face without constantly asking Hastings’ permission. I can get behind that.